#like the problem is i want to archive this blog but doing that is sooo annoying and hard. i just want it to now be a side blog so i can

[ghostcrows]

I want to end my unhealthy relationship with social media...that's kind of what the point of my "hiatus" was. cause over and over again being terminally online has caused me nothing but problems. Im trying to turn to other methods instead of talking stream of consciously online 24/7

But it's not easy when you've been doing it since you were like 12 years old. I've even thought about deleting this blog but I'm hesitant because it's such a sentimental thing to me, it's an archive of a huge chunk of my life

And without this I start to feel lonely. I have people I can talk to but they have lives, I can't bother them all day with every little thought I have. I know I can just write in notes app or a real journal. But a lot of it is wanting something like a human connection, even for 5 seconds before I delete the post

And I take advantage of being able to delete posts as if that deletes it from everybody's memories -_- it doesn't.

But you know I'm not even really having fun here anymore, it feels hollow now. I'm just still here out of habit. I think my plan now is to taper off until I'm mainly only posting art and maybe music and aesthetic pictures and whatever every once in a while. Sooo yeah.

[nickelbag610-blog]

Future of this Blog and Explanation on my Username

Hello I just wanted to start our by thanking people for liking my foam art. I would love to do more in the future. But I also want to start using this blog as a blog and am debating if I should make a sperated blog just for that art. Or if it would be cool to just upload them here. As I know Tumblr's archiving sucks. And then there is my Username which is also a nickname IRL. I understand it's a weed reference but it is also a nickname I've had since I was a baby. But I'm also having personal problems so the nickname is leaving a sour taste in my mouth. But the username has been with me since my early Internet days. As you can see in conflicted on it. The nickname came from a mix of a few places. My sperm donor's step dad couldn't say my name due to a speech impediment. So he'd call me Nickel. My parents being young adult stoners in the early 2000's they came up with the name Nickelbag from that. My parents are the only people who call me that as it was always just seen as a joke between them from my other family members. I'm too old to start over on everything and find a new username I jell with. I don't completely hate my nickname, I don't mind the Nickel part. Which is what I prefer to be called online. The funniest part about my name is people sometimes think I'm a stoner when I can't smoke weed because I'm in pain management. I am subjected to random drug test and a contract. Because even though it's legal in my state for medical purposes my pain management contract says I am not allowed and I sighed it sooo. My name could also could come off as meme like/joke name/ troll account. And I do want to make it clear that no, I'm not an edgy teenager referencing weed to be funny. Okay my parents were but it's an actual nickname I have and means something to me. This is my real account and my personal account have been connected to this name for ages. As for the 610 my parents call it my lucky number because I was born at 6:10, weighted 6 lb/ 10 Oz, and the last three numbers on my security bracelet in the hospital were 610. I wish everyone a good day.

[redr0sewrites]

14, 23, 63 for the ask game!

AAA TYSM!!!! SOOO EXCITED AB THIS EHEHEH!!!! just fyi, these questions are from this post

14. (how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel? do you draw from personal experiences?)

when writing emotional things i often do use personal experience or my own feelings, but i also do try to put myself in others' shoes too! i consider myself to be pretty empathetic (to a fault sometimes), and writing too much emotional or negative content def has an effect on me. i always make sure to space out my emotional or angsty writing pieces, and overall it can be a bit challenging handling emotions in my writing!!! i def feel what the characters feel when im writing, esp when it comes to x reader fics cuz i want to make both the readers and the characters personalities as accurate as possible!!!

23. (Best writing advice for other writers?)

WRITE WHAT YOU ENJOY. im serious, if your forcing yourself to write for a fandom, character, or anything at all that you dont enjoy it will be so draining and exhausting!!! you also are NOT obligated to obey other peoples wishes when it comes to writing reqs, trust me when i say that no one else should dictate your writing or writing style. if someone doesn't like your writing, thats their problem and if people are continuously disobeying and disrespecting your requesting rules and guidelines it is VERY MUCH OK to simply not write their requests and to set that boundary. finally, never feel afraid to write or post something if it feels too "cringe" or bad, bc the more you write the more you improve!!! keeping all those ideas and creativity bottled up inside personally made me feel so misunderstood, and i felt like i had nobody who shared my interests. thats why i personally started writing fanfiction, to feel closer to my interests and share them with others!! (also coming from a fanfic writer + reader standpoint, make a masterlist PLEASE it makes finding your fics so much easier and link thirsts as well, not just fics! i see so many good writing blogs with incredible wips or thirsts or asks that i want to read, but have only like 2 fics actually on their masterlist and it takes FOREVER to scroll and find all the posts in the archives. i just find masterlists sm easier and more organized tbh!!!)

63. (something you hate to see in smut.)

THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE OR TARGETED, JUST SOME THINGS I DONT LIEK!!! i do some of these in my own writing, dont feel bad if u do this stuff, its just my preference!!!!

now, starting off- when the story starts right in the middle of the smut with NO CLUE where the characters are, what position theyre in, whats going on, like the first sentence is like "i could feel my release building as (character) thrusted into me" HOW? WHERE? WHEN???? WHY????? WHATS GOING ON???? also, when the writer is describing a position or something but 2 paragraphs later the position seems completely different with no context whatsoever- like one second the characters hitting it from the back and the next theyre sloppily making out and rubbing their chests together??? when did they move???? also when theres like NO description at ALL ab the position, liek i NEED to know what im visualizing here😭😭😭 . an unnecessary amount of dialogue is also a no-no for me, like why yall having a discussion arent u fucking😭😭😭😭. AND FINALLY. THE BIGGEST PET PEEVE OF THEM ALL. WHEN ITS TAGGED AS GN BUT THEN THE ANATOMY IS DESCRIBED AS FEM OR MASC LIKE USING COCK OR G SPOT OR PROSTATE ITS SUPPOSED TO BE GN!!!! CAN ALSO BE WHEN ITS TAGGED MALE AND THEIRS FEM ANATOMY AND VICE VERSA, WRITERS PLSSS TAG UR SMUTS ACCORDINGLY I DONT WANT GENDER DYSPHORIA WHEN TRYING TO SIMPLY READ SMUT 💀💀💀

ANYWAYSSSSS TYSM FOR ASKING!!!! FEEL FREE TO SEND IN MORE, I LOVE THIS ASK GAME SM AJSJS

[toxapexremade]

i want very badly to remake but i am also so so sentimental and im like. but my nearly 9000 posts.

[zeta-in-de-walls]

Please AO3 fix the Dream SMP fandom

Every time I think about it, I get so annoyed with Archiveofourown and their inability to correctly categorise the MCYT fandom. I was annoyed with it a year ago and it’s not gotten any better!

All fics based on the Dream SMP or any of the other recent SMPs goes directly into the Video Blogging RPF category. What’s the Dream SMP doing in the vlogging category???? It’s so ill-fitting and everyone knows it. 

It should have its own category in Other Media like many web series and things do. And no, it’ not some alien idea to have content based on livestreamed improv or whatever. Critical Role is literally a webseries of a DnD campaign which gets broadcast on twitch and youtube.  

And the Dream SMP fandom is sooo big now. It’s hard to gauge the exact size of course given that it lacks its own category but TommyInnit alone has over 44000 fics. Superman only has 25000. Like seriously, this fandom needs its own space. 

And as other SMPs have been getting popular the problem’s just getting worse. Should you really have to sift through Dream SMP fics while searching for Last Life stuff? Of course not, they need separate categories. 

I get that the fandom is a little messy, but AO3 is literally built with messiness in mind. If you wanted you could make a big category in it called something like Minecraft Roleplay or Minecraft SMPs or Dream SMP and related fandoms if you must. I’m flexible on the name, whatever. Then in it you can have subcategories. One for Dream SMP and Last life and also Origins SMP if you want, A separate one for minecraft manhunt as there’s honestly a lot of fics based on that. You could even do a section just for SBI fics at this point as that might as well be a category in itself. Navigating would be so much easier if it was categorised. I might actually be able to discover fics that aren’t tagged with the specific character I’m searching for but with the fandom I’m interested in. The size won’t be an issue, a03 literally has no problem with fandoms with a single fic in. Keep something in the RPF section too I guess, but make it more specific than vlogging. And please, please use the online alias’s rather than their irl names everywhere else.

I get that wrangling all the tags would take time, I’m perfectly ready for a messy transition but I also know that once the categories are created the fandom itself will try and recategorise their stuff to fit into the correct tags. Most of the fandom already attempt to tag their fics with tags such as dream smp even though it dumps them into video blogging anyway. Until the fandom tags are there though, it’s only getting worse.

It’s been well over a year since this has been a problem. And it’s not improved one bit. At this point, this feels downright disrespectful. AO3′s whole thing is to be as open and for fans and nonjudgemental as possible. And for sure I though the archive was amazing until this fandom. One of its strengths is how well it categorises fandoms so you can make use of its filters. I was happy to be patient. I directly sent a message myself like 10 months bringing up this issue and no doubt loads of others have as well. And yet they’ve made no progress.

 Why?

[nonpuppet-sanderssides-ep]

Learning New Things about Ourselves Transcript

This transcript was done by @rosesisupposes​ @everphantom @crushingonanartist @fandomsofrandom​ (who’s urls may or may not have changed at some point, and others, who’s urls had been lost to time and my disorganization.)

This transcript was created for the purpose of creating a comic-version of the video for those who were uncomfortable with the puppetry. This project has been effectively abandoned, and the blog shall be treated as an archive for the work that had been completed. (as explained in this post)

The transcript had been partly split up to create places for artists to draw individual sections, which has remained in tact in this transcript. If people want to utilize this transcript for creating a comic or drawing, I entirely welcome it! As long as all the characters follow a human design, tag this blog and I’ll reblog it. 

14:58 Thomas: Oh, Logan! You’re up!

14:59 Logan: If by up you mean I am not down...to do this, you are correct. 

15:04 Roman: Oh big surprise coming from no fun-son honey dew-dew. Last second addition there, made it, stuck the landing.

15:10 Patton: Aw, Logan come on! We need you at the table if we’re gonna be learning!

15:14 Logan: Please. It has become quite clear that me cosigning all of your ridiculous antics is just a formality. When all of you decided on using puppets to address a serious issue, logic was already figuratively thrown out the window.

15:25 Roman: *dramatic sigh* Again, you don’t have to use the word figuratively. We know you that you weren’t literally thrown out of a window.

15:31 Logan: How? Have you been watching me constantly?

15:33 Patton: Don’t assume Roman! You know what happens when you assume. You make an as out of su and me. 

15:39 Logan: *exasperated sigh* *mumbled* Thank you Patton. *back to normal volume* I just don’t want to concern anybody by suggesting I was throw through a window. I wanted to communicate five by five that I’m five by five. 

15:47 Thomas: It’s okay Roman, his intentions are there. I mean, who does going above and beyond with clarity hurt?

15:54 Roman: Going above and beyond? *laugh* More like going overboard. It’s stupid.

15:58 *Logan inhales, glares at Roman as he crumples up a paper and throws it at Roman with a yell*

16:01 Roman: Ow! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh!

16:02 Patton: Meep meep!**

16:03 Roman: You hit me in the eye. You hit me in the eye, you freaking bookgerm!

16:07 Virgil: Geez, L, that was pretty rough.

16:09 Logan: Eh- I’m sorry. I-I don’t know what that was. *pause* Maybe I should go.

16:13 Patton: NO! We are not about to leave it there, mister! We can’t continue this convo, if you’re gone-zo

16:21 Thomas: THAT’S RIGHT!

16:21 Thomas: Look, Logan, you can be like one of those Sesame Street human friends!

16:27 Logan: Like Maria?

16:28 Thomas: Like Maria!

16:29 Logan: Okay... I mean, a more accurate comparison would be that you’re our Big Bird, and we’re all your… Snuffleupagus**.

16:36 Thomas: Pre-1985, before they canonically confirmed Snuffleupagus wasn’t imaginary.

16:40 Logan: Of course. *softly* Clarity

16:41 Roman: Hmph-

16:42 Logan: Okay, so- you’re puppets. Care to explain to me how this is going to help?

16:47 Patton: Well, we could start by having an open and honest conversation about our feelings?

16:54 Thomas: *takes a deep breath*

16:55 Roman: Hmmm… 

16:56 Virgil: *groans softly*

16:57 Thomas: I don’t think so.

16:57 Roman: Yeah, I don’t like that.

16:58 Virgil: I’d rather go live in a garbage can.

16:59 Patton: No! Really, this is important, guys! Thomas, you have to face your feelings head-on! Tell me… *singing* do you ever feel like a paper bag?

17:10 Thomas: Wha- I thought we were talking about a loop!

17:13 Patton: Well, how do you suppose we get out of the loop, mister Looper?

17:16 Thomas: Well, I guess I don’t know… but I mean... like- what do I have to feel bad about? I mean, really. Like- yeah, I feel iffy with my videos. So what?

17:27 *Roman sighs as Thomas continues*

17:27 Thomas: Big deal. The ‘problems’ I have wouldn’t even exist without all of the incredible privileges I’ve received. I should feel lucky. I asked for this. So I- I don’t feel like I’ve got a right to feel this way, but-

17:42 Patton: Thomas, that’s ridiculous! Now should you count your blessings? Absolutely! Lots of people are way worse off! 

17:49 Thomas: … oh

17:50 Patton: Yeah, I should not have said that as cheery as I did. --break-- *louder* But… you shouldn’t feel guilty for having feelings! Sure, sometimes your feelings may not make sense, but it’s not your feelings job to make sense! You just… experience them. And you have to do your best to deal with them.

18:07 Thomas: Well that… makes sense. 

18:11 Patton: Not talking about them... is not dealing with them.

18:14 Thomas: Yeah, but I don’t even know where to begin talking about my feelings, because I don’t… understand them right now.

18:19 Virgil: Maybe you won’t have to understand your feelings if you fix the problem.

18:24 Patton: Well…

18:25 Virgil: Logan’s gotta cool it with the deadlines.

18:26 Logan: What?

18:27 Roman: *blows a kiss at Virgil* Thank you!

18:28 Virgil: Too much pressure.

18:29 Logan: Oh, I’m sorry. Except I’m not! Are the deadlines really the cause of that pressure, or is it… I don’t know… *quickly* Roman’s inability to perform adequately?

18:35 Roman: *offended gasp* No!

18:37 Virgil: Well- it’s a little of that. 

18:38 Roman: *weird shocked noise[?]* What??

18:40 Logan: Exactly, boom.

18:40 Virgil: Look dude, doesn’t it make sense to think you have something to do with this? The issue has to do with creating content and his pride? That’s a lot of you.

18:48 Roman: Well pardon me, Vomit-y Central, but when were either of you the experts on creative content? Who are you to criticize my work??

18:58 Virgil: Oh my gosh, what is up your butt?

19:00 Roman: An arm!

 19:00-19:34

THOMAS: Okay, I think it’s clear that pointing fingers is getting us nowhere. So let’s avoid that

PATTON: [Pointing at Thomas] Agreed. Oh, butterfingers!

VIRGIL: [Muttering] That’s not what butterfingers means

THOMAS: Logan, would it be fair to say that with all of this arguing, order is not actually being obtained?

LOGAN: Perhaps we are in a state of disorder because no one is adhering to my instruction

THOMAS: Okay, okay, well, okay, I’m - I’m happy to hear you out, then. What do you think we should do, Logan?

PATTON: Yeah, Logan, help us out, what can you tell us about learning new things about ourselves?

19:34-19:58

LOGAN: Well, it all goes back to the point you made earlier, Patton. Asking the right question: why?

ROMAN: That’s right, today’s video is brought to you by the letter “Y”

LOGAN: No, stop it, stop it, the question “why,” W-H-Y. “Why?” So much of what you feel, Thomas, comes down to whether or not your actions are aligning with your goals.

PATTON: Oh! I think I get it!

LOGAN: What?

PATTON: Yeah!

19:58 - 20:12 [Cut Scene]

[Electric Company Bit: Profiles of Patton and Thomas]

PATTON: Why do you make videos?

THOMAS: Because they’re fun

PATTON: Why did you make it a job?

THOMAS: So I could support myself, and so I could try bigger things

PATTON: Why did your old friend’s question stick with you?

THOMAS: Because…

[End cut scene]

20:12-20:42

THOMAS: Because I always wonder if I’m doing the right thing for a living

LOGAN: Okay, interesting! Elaborate on that. And nobody do any puppet bits

PATTON: Well, that was from The Electric Company

LOGAN: [Waving arms at Patton] Shhhhhh. Thomas?

THOMAS: I don’t know, I guess… As far as I know, we have one life, and I guess I have doubts about… whether or not I’m making the most of mine.

LOGAN: Okay! We’re getting somewhere. Expand upon those doubts

THOMAS: Oh man, um, I… I don’t even know where to go from there

20:42-21:02

LOGAN: I mean if you asked me, I could certainly list off several factors that could be contributing to your doubts.

[Cut to Thomas, then Patton, then Roman all silently looking around as well. No one responds]

LOGAN: If you asked me, I could… gladly share them

THOMAS: [Sigh]

ROMAN: Welp

VIRGIL: [Sigh]

LOGAN: Just lemme know if you want to hear what I have to say

21:02-21:45 epilepsy warning

VIRGIL: Hey Logan, can you list off some of those factors you mentioned?

LOGAN: I’m glad you asked, Virgil. Firstly, there’s no job security, I mean, people fall out of public favor very quickly

VIRGIL: One! One cause of unease, ah ah ah [lightning flash]

LOGAN: You’re balancing a great deal of responsibilities. People have limits; perhaps you can’t continue at this pace indefinitely 

VIRGIL: Two! Two nervous thoughts, ah ah ah [lightning flash]

LOGAN: Your work is inessential. Several may claim that they have been [air quotes] “inspired” by one thing you’ve said or another, but who’s to say they couldn’t have found the inspiration they needed elsewhere?

VIRGIL: Three. Three depressing speculations, ah ah ah [lightning flash]

LOGAN: And oh, oh! I can think of another one. No one takes you seriously!

PATTON: [Audible gasp]

VIRGIL: Four. Four uncomfortable characters in this room right now.

THOMAS: Logan, is that really what you think?

-

LOGAN: Thomas, I have held back my opinions for too long, and that’s obviously not benefiting you. I refuse to withhold my perspective any longer. You need to get a real job.

ROMAN: Hey, yeah! Like being a movie star!

LOGAN: No! A real job.

VIRGIL: Sheesh, you sloppily eat some jam, accidentally make a few puns and now you’re all sensitive about not being taken seriously?

LOGAN: [Interrupting] I’m not a joke! I mean, I can’t be thought of as such. Because there will be times in which I must be heeded and given our current circumstances, I clearly haven’t been. So I’m saying what must be said. I can’t tolerate this foolishness any longer. [To Thomas] You need to change your life around.

-

VIRGIL: Logan, I appreciate what you bring to the table and all, but the thing you just recommended would be a massive change in Thomas’ life sooo I kinda hate you a little bit right now andddd shut your dirty mouth

LOGAN: Ah, typical

THOMAS: I don’t know, Virge, maybe he’s right. Maybe that’s the cause of all this

VIRGIL: Thomas, don’t start. I have plenty of hate to go around

PATTON: Ohhh very funny, Virgil, you cute little muppet! Thomas, you know he doesn’t mean it. And Logan, that was… helpful! When the chips were down, you brought up some very meaty points, you ol’ crackerjack, but this stuff is more than just silly or cheesy, and I’m sorry I keep bringing up food, it’s just the inside of this bag smells like first grade lunch in the cafeteria and so many memories!

ROMAN: [Snaps] Patton, stay with us

23:17

PATTON: Sorry! Boy, I really milked that bit, wakawaka!

ROMAN: (stares in silence, before taking a deep breath) What I think Patton is trying to say is that Logan’s just proven that he’s the worst, and that he’s been the thorn in your side all along

VIRGIL: Could you even contribute like an ounce of constructive input to our conversation today, Dr. Doo-the-Most?

ROMAN: Okay, why don’t you just go get lost in a dryer

VIRGIL: You know, Roman, it’s just too bad your brain isn’t as big as that chin

ROMAN: Well you smell like FOOT!

THOMAS: Roman-

ROMAN: No, Thomas, I know. That wasn’t helpful. In truth, I do feel bad

THOMAS: You do?

ROMAN: Yes

VIRGIL: Well then maybe you should say you’re sorry

ROMAN: You’re right

VIRGIL: Oh, really?

ROMAN: Logan-

VIRGIL: Okay

ROMAN: -earlier, I made you angry. I do that quite a bit, actually. I provoke you, and you retaliated with violence… like a stupid caveman. But! I am responsible for my actions and my actions alone. So, I’m sorry.

LOGAN: Oh, well. That’s. Very kind.

ROMAN: Okay, well, I gave that a shot. I still feel bad.

PATTON: Well, why not try expressing your feelings in a way that makes sense for you?

24:27

ROMAN: Well, that might work. Let’s see (clears throat, then gestures to his right) Maestro?

[MUSIC STARTS]

[Singing] So you’ve gone and called someone stupid And in response, they damaged your eye But, there is where the conflict must end Lest you both end up blind

LOGAN: [Speaking] Another song? Really?

ROMAN: [Singing] Sometimes, the problems at play Are not all plain to see So, we lash out at our loved ones Disregarding our bond sanctity PATTON: There are several sides to us that may seem abstract at first Until we discover where everything fits And, people can be like a half-missing puzzle set As we find the pieces, things make more and more sense THOMAS: Nice imagery, but I'm not sure I follow.

25:27 - 26:00

PATTON: Well I’ll give you an example.

PATTON: [Singing] I had this problem where I’d often hide my less than awesome feelings so when I would feel like sobbing I’d just smile and crack jokes! I thought that that was coping. Only joking, never showing sadness, hoping it would go away.

LOGAN: [Spoken] Did that work?

PATTON: [Singing] Nope! I still felt bad

ROMAN: [Spoken] Aw pat..

PATTON: [Singing] It’s okay

THOMAS: [Spoken] How’s that?

PATTON: [Singing] Everybody gets sad. Even dads that have people to care for! And therefore- You don’t have to hide your pain. Life without rainy days is incomplete!

PATTON: [Speaking] Or, like not even a thing, you know? Rain goes to plants, plants feed animals, plant-eating animals feed animal-eating animals, and humans feed animals corn and inject them with hormones until they can barely walk anymore

THOMAS: Patton?

PATTON: Yes?

THOMAS: How does all that relate to rain?

PATTON: Oh, right! Rainy days. Forgot what I was talking about. Umm... putting it simply, rain is a necessary piece of the puzzle that is, uh, life.

LOGAN: So true. Are we done singing, or is this just one of those musical interludes?

26:22

VIRGIL: On the subject of storm clouds because, you know, you need storm clouds to... make... rain. I'm just gonna get into it. [Singing] You once knew me as real gloomy This weird spooky broody dude Because I knew you'd listen to me As too scary to ignore I thought that I could take it All the hate could just be shaken But when you lo-- care for someone Not much hurts more than their scorn I also felt bad 

ROMAN: [Speaking] Come, now

VIRGIL: [Singing] In a different way 

THOMAS: [Speaking] Different how?

VIRGIL: [Singing] By bad I mean, well, mean But I did what I thought that I had to Which is bad, too I don't have to act all tough

THOMAS: Sometimes love is enough

PATTON: Or what we need

27:00 [END]

[camilliar]

I've just reread ~get the wine pairings~ which is one of the best zimbits fics I've ever read and I was wondering if you're currently working/planning any new omgcp fics? I really love your writing 🙈

Ahhhhhhh wow thank you, there are so many Zimbits fics to choose from, and you chose the one I wrote while my OMGCP AO3 account was still a sock I never planned to link to because it was too many kinks pasted together. I’m very flattered. I’m still weirdly pleased with that fic!

To answer you question -- which I’m also very flattered anyone would ask? -- I've got two OMGCP fics that’ll be going up in the next, like, month:

You may have seen me insanely blogging about this AU where everyone’s getting MFAs at Samwell. In theory, ideally, I guess this would be like a loose collaborative series me and @tomatowrites both write in? (If she wants to/has time to?) I’ve very near done with the first fic in this series, like, one to five paragraphs away from being done and passing it on to a beta. It’s a PBJ sex fic set over Labor Day weekend; Bitty thinks he’s getting into one thing (group sex) but he’s actually getting into something else. It doesn’t get that much into the MFA part of things but I hope it does an okay job introducing the general themes around the Parse + Bitty stories in the AU? Lots of ???? because I’m just so excited about this entire thing. Please send me + Tomato asks about MFA stuff, I’m obsessed with and I want everyone else to be, also.

I’m also doing @omgcpheartbreakfest, and that fic is due on August 5 and should be posting ... a week later? Ish? Because it’s a blind fest I ought not divulge too much about it, but it’s an idea I’ve wanted to write out for a while, so I’m looking forward to finishing this over the next week or two.

and then OH GOD this list continues:

After those two I’ll probably switch gears to finish up this infamous South Park fic. Further afield, I did start an Ollie/Wicks fic that could be conceptually interesting but a) what is the audience? and b) do I really want to expend energy on digging into the tone and keeping the tone on point? More problematic is that these characters do not have personalities or even biographical information to transform into a story, so it’s tough to know what their relationship would even be like? I guess what I’m saying is I’m not sure if I want to follow through on this. Earlier today, actually, I took a look at it convinced I was going to scrap it -- but I also felt like there was something there that made me almost wistful for whatever conviction I had for this story when I started it. We’ll see where that goes.

Two big fics I have wanted to write in this fandom for a long, long time, like nearly as long as I’ve been in the fandom:

An AU where Jack’s OD is fatal, and a few years into the future his mother has established a foundation in his memory, to which she’s recruited Parse to sit on the board, which requires that he help fund the foundation. The foundation creates a scholarship for a hockey player at Samwell, and Parse is asked to advise the selection process, which results in Bitty being offered the inaugural award. The problem, however, is that Bitty is terrified of checking and if he doesn’t make it on this team, there’s a chance SMH might ultimately reject the gift -- and if this pilot program fails, Jack’s mom is gonna, like, have a breakdown. So Parse decides to intervene to make sure Bitty doesn’t get cut? Long story short, endgame Bitty/Parse, with the basic tension coming from what everyone’s lost if Jack isn’t in their lives: the team dynamic is totally different! Bitty thinks Jack is a selfish monster who ruined the lives of everyone around him, but Parse maintains that Bitty didn’t know him. The Bob/Alicia relationship is almost irreparably frayed and Parse finds himself in the middle of it because they both refuse to let him go! In a lot of ways it’s a story about Jack, although Jack is very dead for all of it. If done properly I would love to get into some of the tough politics around, like, money in US higher ed and some politics around wealth generally.

I have mentioned a few times that I want to write a “normal” not-edgelord Zimbits fic, and that would be an AU where Jack gets a PhD in history instead of going into the NHL -- so it’s basically canon-divergent from the start of Y2, where Jack decides that, for his own mental health, he can’t do professional hockey. The fic is set over the summer of 2017, at which point Jack is preparing to take his exams, write a dissertation prospectus, and start teaching in the fall. He’s at an impasse with his advisor, however, who doesn’t want him to write a social history of hockey because that’s a second book project, not a dissertation. While that’s happening, Bitty’s just graduated college and moved back in with his parents while Jack tries to find them an apartment in Boston -- which he’s having some trouble doing since Bitty doesn’t have a job lined up and Jack’s income is like, a graduate stipend. The conflicts in this story come from circumstances external to the Jack/Bitty relationship, and center around Jack’s doubts about his ability and desire to follow through on his stated goals, especially considering he’s deeply uncompromising. I’ve seen so many arguments that Jack would be so great at grad school or being a professional academic and it’s like, yes, in some ways, he would be; I can see him doing good archival research, or moving through the degree requirements in a PhD program, because he’s goal-oriented and willing to put the work in. But! He’s fucking awkward and so much of this field is just ... networking? Collaborating? Taking advice? Listening? Taking social cues? He had this idea about what kind of dissertation he was going to do, and why is he being told no? Can Jack take “no”? Can he adapt? A random woman has been showing up to his beer league games -- maybe this degree wasn’t the right path after all?

Then, all the way down at the bottom here, it’s like, I have sooo many incomplete Greerverse and lady Jack fics, many of them in the 500-3k range, but some of them in the 15k range, which is like, wow, that’s a lot of unfinished fic! The most profitable of these would be Jack and Bitty taking a 15-year anniversary vacation traveling around Europe for six weeks, which Jack unceremoniously kicks off by announcing a desire to transition--and then saying nothing about it for the duration of the trip while Bitty tries to work out how he feels about this, never mind what Jack even wants.

Aaaand last and probably also least, I’ve got like 15k each of an a/b/o fic I tried to write for Tomato and another 15k of a fic where a career- ending injury leads Jack to reassess his entire relationship with his body and therefore he winds up getting a little drag-curious, and it was fun writing about like, Jack moping around the house on crutches feeling sorry for himself, but also the fic has an OC who’s a big part of the story and I just didn’t feel that guy or care to write about him so I quit! Maybe I should scrap those things, along with the rest of this mpreg fic.

So that’s where I’m at ficwise right now! Who knows a) when the things further down this list would see the light of days, and b) which other crazy ideas will crop up that I have to write in the interim?

Thank you so much for asking! I love chatting about my fic, please ask any time.

[kusunokihimea]

     [ Sooo I’m gonna talk about a thing under the cut that’s honestly been eating at me for like...a good while now, and that’s: RP burnout.

     I’m not really sure when I started feeling so...disconnected? from RP here on Tumblr. Don’t get me wrong: I love my muses, I love my threads, my partners, my friends...something just feels...off. I feel drained whenever I go to tend to my drafts. And it’s not that I don’t like them, or want them, I just feel...uninspired? I guess? Like I want the stories to continue, I just...don’t feel like I can.

     At the beginning of June (and technically for a week or two before) I worked REALLY HARD on my OC x Canon ship week, and wrote MASSIVE drabbles. Seven of them. All in a row. And I LOVED it. Before I was ever into RP, I was into writing fics. It’s how I got into fandom way back in like...idek when. 2006? 2007? I got into Naruto, my first real fandom experience, through Quizilla and the fic writing community. Then I moved to fanfiction.net. Then I started RP in like...2012? 2013? with a few friends. And I loved it! It was a whole new way to write stories and flesh out characters...some of it even inspired an entire worldbuilding project of mine, Nightwalkers. And a few years later, when I started getting really sick, I dropped fic writing completely, and devoted entirely to RP a few months later. I’ve been here ever since.

     But lately...I dunno. I guess it’s just the pendulum swinging back the other way? I’m enjoying writing fics again. I’ve been doing daily drabbles over on @365daysofsasuhina. I haven’t missed a single day, and we’re halfway through the year. Granted, some nights I’m tired or grumpy and don’t feel like doing it, but I do it. I did the OC x Canon ship week. And I’ve been doing both RP-related drabbles and prompted drabbles from friends for months and months. And keep getting new ideas, when in the past...that was gone.

     So what does this mean? I dunno. I love RP. Maybe I just need a break. Maybe I’m spreading myself too thin, cuz gods know I do that literally all the time. There’s so much I wanna do! I have like a dozen sideblogs, all for different projects, and...all are suffering because I just don’t have time to tend to them all. Icons. Art. Drabbles. Other RP blogs. A personal blog.

     I love all my muses. But lately I’ve gotten this feeling that I’m just...trying to do too much. Hyuuchiha has 17 muses. This blog has 12, including some NPCs. I’ve had itchings to do two more, move things around, try to branch out...but at the same time I also wanna just strip the blogs to their bare bones. I’ve thought of making Hyuuchiha purely Sasuke and Hinata, maybe their two kids. Because I don’t have enough time for all those muses, and...most get overlooked anyway. Probably because most are OCs, or underrated canons. Just stinks when you put so much work into building muses...and then have no time for them. And when you DO, it seems no one else does (except those of you who are always around - I see you, I do). But I mean in the grand scheme of things, I get single digit percentage interaction in regards to followers. On both blogs, tbh. And I love the interactions I get, it just...feels like there’s this crowd of people around, with maybe 5 who even seem to notice I’m here. And I wonder if me and my habit of taking on too much is to blame.

     I feel the same way about this blog. I have muses who hardly get touched. And while I’m sure that’s partly my fault for not putting them out there enough...I dunno. It makes me wonder if it’s worth having them around at all.

     ...to be fair, life itself has been REALLY hard on me lately, too. I’ve had friendships go south, family being nasty, my job is dragging out and I’m not getting paid, all while having to work even harder and getting extremely tired. My health, mental and physical, is suffering. I’m barely hanging in there most days, in all honesty. Which I know most folks don’t wanna hear about: we’re here to RP, not talk about our real lives and problems...but that DOES affect how and when and if we can RP. And I’m not one to pretend that RL doesn’t play a role in my hobby(s). I’m human, and so is everyone else.

     I’m getting all sorts of off-track, but...in short: I’m majorly burnt out. In MANY regards, and I’m not sure how to like...salvage the situation. Do I just majorly downsize my blogs and turtle to active followers? Do I take a hiatus? Do I drop RP altogether and go back to ficcing full time for my writing hobby? I dunno. I think this has been a long time coming between life and frustrations here.

     So...just a heads up, that for now, I’m gonna just...take it slow. I need to think about these blogs and how I wanna handle them. Maybe make another sideblog for archiving muses I need to put on a backburner. Cuz I don’t want all that work to go to waste, and granted, 98% of those OCs are ALAS related, and...gods know I’ll never finish that. I haven’t even worked on it in years because...what’s the point? So what’s the point with the muses, too? I want to keep writing, and I’m not dropping threads. It just...might be a while until I get to them. Some muses (and thus their threads) might be dropped, but...not for now. I need to think first. I guess most of this is just me thinking out loud (well not out loud, but...you know what I mean).

     Anyway...change is probably coming either way. Just...not sure how, yet. All I ask is that you be patient with me. This community and the friends I’ve made have been what’s kept me afloat for about four years now. I’m not leaving or letting that go. But something’s gotta give =/ ]

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Sooo... You said you are not a medical expert, but perhaps the history of medicine? medicine and doctors overall in Napoleon's era and around it?

So I actually can’t speak too directly in French medicine in the Napoleonic period. However, I’ll regale you with what I do know from the early modern period in general.

NB: I’m working roughly from 1400—1820-ish. This is also very high level; I’m speaking broadly and obviously there are distinctions to be made based on time and place (and culture). 

I’ve broken it down into major sections and dumped it behind the Read More because I got a bit carried away. 

Thank you for the ask! And if anyone wants to know more about something below, or something I didn’t mention, hmu. 

The Humours 

The human body was still understood to be composed of, and ruled by, the humours. For readers who aren’t familiar humours were introduced by ancient Greek physicians (Hippocrates onwards, though its origins may be earlier, possibly from Egypt) and used as a means to explain the workings of the body. 

The nut-shell version is that there are four humours: black bile, yellow bile, phlegm, and blood. Each of these biles corresponds to a temperament. 

Black bile = melancholia 

Yellow bile = choleric

Phlegm = phlegmatic

Blood = sanguine. 

The humours also correspond to elements, qualities, age, and organs. 

Black bile = earth & cold and dry & adulthood & gallbladder

Yellow bile  = fire & warm and dry & youth & spleen

Phlegm = water & cold and moist & old age & brain and lungs 

Blood = air & warm and moist & infancy & liver

If you were ill it was thought that there was an imbalance of the humours and so treatments worked to try and balance out the humours. 

Everything had a place in the humours from food to rank to gender to medicine to mental health. 

E.g. Gregorio Dati, wrote to his son that he should not eat melon because melons grow close to the ground and therefore are cold and wet - if he must eat melon let him have it either with a dry wine (hot and dry) or with prosciutto (hot and dry) to counter balance the negative effect of the melon. 

Men were hot and dry; women were cold and wet. If a woman wanted a girl she should eat fish; a boy she should eat fowl or venison. 

The food you ate that is good for you depends on your rank and your rank corresponds to where on the great chain of being you are that therefore corresponds to what you need to do to best balance your humours. If you eat above or below your station it was believed to make you sick. 

It’s fantastically complex. 

Medicine Men (and women)

In general doctors, of any kind, weren’t regarded super highly. There’s a reason there’s a long history of jokes running along the lines of “how many did you kill today, doctor.” this wasn’t helped by the fact that for much of the medieval and early modern period there was not necessarily a clear distinction of “doctor.” Many people proscribed medical advice but not all were trained physicians; this changed with the increase of university-trained physicians intent on solidifying their legitimacy in the eyes of the public.

Naturally, for a patient in the early modern period the quality of medical care received depended entirely on how much you could afford. 

Physicians were university educated and the most respected class of medical man. They were called upon for external issues. You would write to them, or they would visit, and you would explain your symptoms. They might take a urine sample, or some other assessment, before prescribing your treatment. Not only were they the most respected class of medical man they were also the most expensive. 

Surgeons went through a varying degree of definition. Up until the late-18th century they were often the local barber (hence barber-surgeon) or some other trade as well as surgeon. They would do the manual labour of medical treatment such as treating broken bones, stitching, basic dental work (tooth extraction) and sometimes trepanning, among other things.  

However, the late-18th-century saw the rank of surgeon shift slightly as they were beginning to be reasonably well educated, often apprenticed to a surgeon or surgeon-apothecary in their teens, before facing examination in London. If they passed they would become a licensed member of the Company of Barber-Surgeons. 

Navies and armies across the board generally employed surgeons over physicians since they needed medical men with practical skills. In these circumstances surgeons also acted as apothecaries and physicians which began blurring the lines between the professions.  

Then there’s the apothecary who had a disreputable reputation until the early 19th century when it began becoming a more respectable trade. Apothecary doubled as a sort of local GP if there was no physician or surgeon available. They were also the ones to mix and creates pills, potions and the like. 

Cunning folk/wise women & men were alternatives sought out if the above options of medical treatment weren’t working out.   

Folk Remedies 

For much of medieval and the early modern period there was a strong relationship between medicine, magic and religion. Often people would go through different approaches to health problems until one of them worked. 

E.g. In Italy there was a case in the early 1700s of a woman in Naples, Domenica Jurlaro, who was very ill with a complaint of pain in her vaginal area. Her mother had reached out to a physician but there was no luck with him, then she turned to the local cunning woman, or wise woman, who tried a series of cures none of which worked. Domenica’s mother, then fearing witchcraft or a curse of some kind had been placed on Domenica, called in the local priest to perform a blessing in order to lift the curse and heal Domenica’s health problems. 

In the early 18th-century (and earlier), especially amongst the lower classes, this would not have been an unheard of progression nor considered strange. Of course you go from the physician to the local cunning woman to the parish priest - you’re ruling out all possibilities. 

Illness could be earth bound or caused by otherworldly means. 

“Folk remedies” were par for the course of medical practices, everyone usually turned to family known treatments first before sending out for a professional. In the case of Domenica, in Naples, the cunning woman prescribed a cure an enema of sage and other herbs as a remedy. In London, in January of 1750 The Gentleman Magazine recommended applying a live toad to the kidneys if you were suffering from a “retention of urine.” (Napoleon maybe should have tried this. And drinking water.) 

Folk remedies, like professional medicine, were informed by the humour theory although more abstractly, as well as by tried-and-true remedies passed down and around. Not entirely unlike today where we still apply similar things when dealing with daily colds such as gargling with salt water, taking a shot of extra-proof liquor, drinking tea with lots of lemon and chili, eating chicken soup and so on. 

Hospitals 

In the Medieval period dedicated monasteries and hospices served the purpose of hospital in that they served the sick but also served as places for travellers to stay over and for the poor to have an occasional roof over their head. Italy also had dedicated confraternities run by dedicated religious laymen which provided medical support to the poor. 

In England after the dissolution of the monasteries public hospitals, founded by wealthy philanthropists and/or the crown, filled the gap left by the absence of monasteries and hospices. Some of the medieval hospices that survived and were taken on by the crown and turned into public hospitals include Bedlam and St. Thomas’. 

The space that hospitals made where both poverty and disease became readily associated; as well as transience and disease; foreign travellers and disease and so on; facilitated a poor reputation of hospitals and further helped to marry the associated between poverty and disease. Unintentionally early modern hospitals catered to and enhanced the othering of the transient and impoverished regardless of their health status. This is also why many medieval and early modern hospitals bore names like Saint Thomas’s Hospital for the Sick and Poor (founded 1173). 

Some hospitals began specializing as time went on. One of the most infamous is Bedlam (Hospital of St. Mary of Bethlehem, now known as Bethlehem Royal Hospital founded 1247) which specialized in mental health (although in its colourful history it served as, among other things, a temporary jail space for prisoners and a traveler’s hospice); The New Locke which focused on venereal disease (founded 1746); Saint George’s (founded 1734) for the sick and lame etc. 

18th-century England did see a change in the purpose of hospitals from catch-alls for the poor and diseased they became focused on as much treating people as research and transition that would eventually give birth to modern research hospitals.

Some more reading: 

https://earlymodernmedicine.com/ - general early modern medical history

http://thechirurgeonsapprentice.com/ - info on early modern surgeons 

http://practitioners.exeter.ac.uk/ - a project with U. Exeter to map a picture of medical practitioners in early modern England, Ireland and Wales.

http://www.fashionablediseases.info/Blog/?p=9 - no longer active but their archived posts are interesting 

Dr. Johnson’s London by Liza Picard 

The Sin of Insanity, edited by Jeffrey R. Watt

Bedlam: London and Its Mad, by Catharine Arnold

Maladies and Medicine: Exploring Health & Healing, edited by Jennifer Evans and Sara Read

Medicine and Society in Early Modern Europe, by Mary Lindemann

“Food and Social Class in Late Medieval and Renaissance Italy,” in Food: A Culinary History from Antiquity to Present, Allen J. Grieco. 

“Hospital food: practice, social differences and medical theories in the mid Quattrocento,” by Allen J. Grieco 

“Medieval and Renaissance Wines: Dietary Theory and how to choose the ‘Right’ Wine,” by Allen J. Grieco 

(Grieco wrote about food, health, and society so really anything by him. He does a good breakdown in one of his essays on the Great Chain of Being, the humours, class and health. I forget which one though.)

“Plague and the City: Methodological Considerations in Mapping Disease in Early Modern Florence,” by John Henderson and Colin Rose

“Mapping Fear: Plague and Perception in Florence & Tuscany,” by Nicholas A. Eckstein. 

A couple primary sources: 

Anonymous, “A Catalogue of Medicines with their Prices set down by a famous Doctor and Physician for the good of the Nation,” cures for children’s worms, nocturnal emissions, 1685. 

Nicholas Culpeper, “Health for the Rich and Poor Dyet Without Physick,” 1656. 

Jane Sharp (midwife, one of the few whose writings are extant), The Midwives Book 1671.

Roger Bacon, “Of Meats and Drink, Which do More Agreeably Restore the Natural Moisture, that Daily is Consumed,” The Cure of Old Age and the Preservation of Youth, 1683. 

[hayleysutton]

hi I don’t have any gifs of crystal reed on this computer so have a gif of rapunzel instead??

I was gonna try to make this sound poetic or whatever but honestly I’m tired of trying to pretty up something that just isn’t pretty. Over the past 5 months I have been going to a new therapist and this one is finally getting me somewhere. And I’m not gonna really expand on that - point is I’ve come to explain a few things, I guess. I know I’m not obligated to, and half of you probably don’t even come on so you’ll never even see this but it’s gonna make me feel better to know it’s here.

So, if you ever wondered “Hey, why does Brittany (or Hayley) seem wishy-washy, contradictory, etc.?” “Why did Brittany say she was gonna do this thing and then not get to it?” or anything to do with “Why did Brittany do (insert said thing here) that doesn’t seem like her?” -- OR “Hey! Why did Brittany just disappear off the face of the Earth while we were roleplaying?” I’m here to answer all of this. If you have your own pressing question about “Why did Brittany (or Hayley) do (this specific thing you have a question about)?” And it doesn’t seem to get answered below feel free to message me over here on my personal.

Let’s get this thing started before my anxiety kicks in and I chicken out LOL.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t want any of you to read this and wonder why the hell I’m posting this so I’m gonna make it super clear right off the bat. This is for me, first - and if it helps you learn, or it makes you feel better in some way, then it is also for you. I’m not trying to toot my own horn and say “Wow, look I’m learning how to be a better person.” It’s not like that -- I have lived with a lot of guilt, sadness, regret, and general yuckyness ever since this roleplay started to close and I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want you guys to think in any way you could have changed anything, or that you caused anything -- this entire “yuck” thing happening was a long time coming in my life and previous events had built up to get me to where I am today. It was never you guys doing anything, or any other roleplay I joined before or after this. But I feel close enough to all of you on here to put this out here, rather than somewhere else.

Okay, according to this blog archive I joined Exchange October 31, 2014. Sooo, almost four years ago - and I can still remember being eighteen and excited to be in another roleplay. And for a while (I think?) it was all good. I don’t know exactly when my anxiety started to leak in, but it did - because it has in every roleplay since this one. I’m not gonna track down the exact posts where things started to get a bit wonky on my end, but I know it’s in there somewhere.

I made a post a while back about being a different person than I was back when I played Hayley, and that much still holds true. I could not possibly play Hayley the way I did back when this was still up and running. I couldn’t embody my worry the way I did back then. Hayley became an outlet for basically all of my good energy, and all of the negative as well. Hayley was inconsistent as a character because I was inconsistent as a writer, Hayley was contradictory in her life because I wanted so badly to pick the “right answer” for everything that I wanted both at once. I spent so long getting to replies because I wanted to get everything “just right” because I had to make sure you guys would like whatever I was writing. And if I’m honest, I have very fond memories of all of you and chatting OOC and making memories -- But I hated playing Hayley. I hated getting on here and fearing screwing up.

So as things gradually dropped down the hill that I was tumbling down I started making promises, that I had every intention of keeping. I still have drafts saved of things that I fully intended to do. But then this little (huge) unhealthy coping mechanism would kick in -- And this is honestly my biggest problem to this day that I’m actively working on as I type this -- I would just shut down. I do this thing where I think about how big and scary everything is that I have to do and I get very overwhelmed and I shut off. And that’s not anything anyone caused, really, but because of previous trauma this is what my brain has been doing to survive. And so, for the past... Basically 10-ish years of my life I have been battling with this.

-- So there’s a huge chunk of the questions answered.

I guess another one that might have come up is “Why do you feel so badly about this in the first place?” There might be a “get over it” tacked on in there somewhere. And to that I say - Yeah, I plan to once I post this and answer any lingering questions that might come in. But to answer the actual question that I posed. I feel bad because I have spent a lot of my time trying to be seen as perfect (or at least as “perfect” as possible). I have never wanted people to see any of my flaws because I thought if they did they wouldn’t like me, or they would think negatively of me. And from there I thought people wouldn’t want to be my friend if they could see something negative. And trying to be “perfect” all the time has turned me into kind of a shitty person. (Some of you are gonna be like “what are you talking about Brittany you’re always so (insert whatever positive thing here)” and yes, thank you for that I have tried to be - but I’ve also just kind of blatantly avoided ever talking about anything wrong I’ve done)

I’ve never been good with confrontation, and it still makes me wildly uncomfortable - especially when I’m involved in it - but I encourage you to message me privately if you have ever had some sort of unresolved issue with me. Because if we ever did -- I’ve probably avoided even paying attention to it and I’m willing to have a civilized conversation. (If you’re like “Brittany, it’s old news I don’t care anymore.” That’s cool, too.)

-- I think that about sums everything up. Like I said I’ll answer questions about whatever you wanna know, really.

If you made it this far thanks for reading. Don’t know how you made it through that essay but I appreciate it if you did.

Signing off,

Brittany // Hayley ;)